Aug 27, 2018
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Elegy For John McCain

Scott Alexander writes a satirical poem about John McCain's passing, imagining him continuing his warmongering ways in the afterlife. Longer summary
This post is a satirical poem about John McCain's passing, portraying him as continuing his warmongering ways in the afterlife. The poem uses religious imagery and references to depict McCain criticizing heaven's peaceful policies and rallying angels for war. It maintains a mocking tone throughout, ending with the suggestion that if readers see apocalyptic signs, it's due to McCain's continued belligerence even after death. The poem is structured in various rhyme schemes and meters, showcasing Scott's creative writing skills. Shorter summary

Say a prayer for John McCain
Who passes from his earthly pain
His eyes are shut upon his brow
He warmongers to angels now

Beyond the sky, where sorrows cease
He rails against the Prince of Peace.
The Holy Spirit, full of love
McCain denounces as “a dove”

All of the weak and the cowardly policies
Heaven pursues that let sin subsist still
Six thousand years of detente with the darkness
In hippie cliches about “choice” and “free will”
All the fifth-columnists, communists, peaceniks
Since ur-commie Lucifer fell from the dawn
John McCain pounds them, he trounces, denounces them
Hounds them and counsels them: cease and begone

All of the saints and the hosts of the angels
Run to their weapons of lightning and flame
Their swords made of sunbeams and sighs of the martyrs,
Their gossamer banners of God’s awesome Name,
Their heavenly helmets and holy habergeons,
Whose breastplates are bright with the light of the dawn;
The Archangel Michael in malachite armor
Blows blasts on his trumpet and beckons them on

Reader, should your weather be
Meteors falling lazily
Or if your neighborhood should seem
A John of Patmos fever dream

Then say a prayer for John McCain
Now passed beyond all earthly pain
Not death, with all the peace it brings
Could end his love of bombing things

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