May 02, 2019
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Little Known Types Of Eclipse

2 min • 232 words • 73 comments • podcast (3 min)
https://slatestarcodex.com/2019/05/02/little-known-types-of-eclipse/
Scott Alexander humorously invents various absurd types of 'eclipses', ranging from astronomical to metaphorical and apocalyptic. Longer summary
This post humorously explores various fictitious types of eclipses, starting with genuine astronomical events and gradually progressing to increasingly absurd and metaphorical 'eclipses'. Scott Alexander begins with real lunar and solar eclipses, then introduces imaginary concepts like 'terrestrial eclipse' and 'atmospheric eclipse'. The list becomes more fanciful, including 'motivational eclipse', 'marital eclipse', and even religious and apocalyptic variations. The tone is playful and satirical, using the concept of eclipses as a vehicle for wordplay and cultural references. Shorter summary
Recurring tags: creative writing (83), humor (48), satire (43), wordplay (12), astronomy (3), cultural references (3)

A lunar eclipse occurs when the Earth gets between the Moon and the Sun.

A solar eclipse occurs when the Moon gets between the Earth and the Sun.

A terrestrial eclipse occurs when the Earth gets between you and the Sun. Happens once per 24 hours.

An atmospheric eclipse occurs when an asteroid gets between you and the sky. Generally fatal.

A reverse solar eclipse occurs when the Sun gets between the Moon and the Earth. Extremely fatal.

A motivational eclipse occurs when the Moon gets between you and your goals. You can’t let it stop you! Destroy it! Destroy the Moon!

A marital eclipse occurs when the Moon gets between you and your spouse. You’re going to need to practice good communication about the new celestial body in your life if you want your relationship to survive.

A capillary eclipse occurs when your hair gets between your eyes and the Sun. Get a haircut.

A lexicographic eclipse occurs when “Moon” gets between “Earth” and “Sun” in the dictionary. All Anglophone countries are in perpetual lexicographic eclipse.

A filioque eclipse occurs when the Holy Spirit gets between the Father and the Son.

An apoc eclipse occurs when the Great Beast 666, with seven heads and ten horns, and upon the horns ten crowns, and upon its heads the name of blasphemy, gets between the Earth and the Sun. Extremely fatal.

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